Relationships are difficult to navigate. Add in a group of teenagers, and relationships seem nearly impossible. Renowned educator and expert on teen culture and relationships Ms. Rosalind Wiseman visited Choate last Tuesday, September 15 to speak to the community about a variety of topics, including hook-ups, teenage relationships, power dynamics, and friend zones. The next day, on September 16, Wiseman also led a professional development workshop for faculty members.
Wiseman’s presence on campus was the culmination of a long period of administrative planning and scheduling. Mr. James Stanley, Dean of Students, explained that he first wanted to bring in Wiseman for a special program in 2011 when a parent suggested the idea. Last year, Mr. Stanley and Mrs. Charlotte Davidson, Director of Counseling Services, contacted Wiseman’s agent and began making arrangements for her to speak to the Choate community.
“It’s a fairly phenomenal coincidence that this program came so quickly on the heels of [Owen Labrie’s trial], a very public national situation,” said Mr. Stanley. “I suspect that this coincidence brings a greater possibility of people taking seriously of what is being discussed.”
Members of the administration were grateful that the Wiseman’s talk and subsequent faculty workshop were able to help promote productive discussions among students and faculty.
“The topic of healthy relationships is a conversation that certainly should happen not only amongst the students, but also between students and faculty, and amongst the faculty themselves. So, the opportunity for students to engage with Ms. Wiseman, and faculty to engage with Ms. Wiseman hopefully helps facilitate these important conversations,” explained Mr. Tom White, HPRSS faculty member and Director of Faculty Development.
Wiseman spent the majority of Tuesday in meetings with members of the community, getting a better sense of the Choate environment by speaking with students and faculty during lunch and dinner.
In her presentation, Wiseman highlighted issues in the complex dynamic of hookup culture, including the varied “sexpectations” among individuals, gender stereotypes, and cultural norms that affect people’s interactions, and the lack of privacy at a school like Choate. However, she also emphasized the power students have to change school culture for the better.
“You are the ones who have control over this. Be mindful that the experiences you have matter, and that these moments effect change in a community,” said Wiseman.
At the start of her talk, Wiseman acknowledged the shortcomings of her presentation, explaining that the audience’s diversity made it hard to be completely inclusive.
“What’s complicated about doing a speech here,” she noted, “is that you need it to be inclusive to everyone in the room. There are people who don’t care about hookup culture here, and there are people who feel rejected and left out of that world here. It’s very difficult to be inclusive and at the same time be challenging to people about things they do.”
At the faculty professional development workshop, Wiseman focused on the ways in which teachers have difficult conversations with studnts, with topics ranging from personal issues to rule violations. Faculty participated in a short activity and split into discussion groups based on tenure, highlighting how students’ issues have changed and how the faculty deals with these issues must also evolve.
Although the responses were somewhat mixed, some students had an overwhelmingly positive response to the special program.
For instance, Devin Reyes ’16 appreciated the Wiseman’s focus on guys’ perspectives. “I was happy about the fact how Rosalind pointed out that males are often predisposed to think that masculinity has a lot to do with hiding emotions. I think it was good that she pointed out that that wasn’t the case, and men shouldn’t be afraid to share their emotions,” he said.
In contrast, Will Raccio ’18 noted, “We’ve heard many speeches about feminism at Choate. It was really cool thinking about it from the view of a typical guy. But I thought it was a little too focused on males; she could have talked more about females.”
“One thing I think she [Rosalind Wiseman] really values is listening to both young people and adults about what they’re experiencing, and then thinking and strategizing about how we respond to that. I thought she did a great job not saying, ‘this is the only way to do it’ but rather, ‘based on my research, here are some concrete things you could try, but you’re welcome to disagree with me if you have a different perspective,’” said Ms. Katie Levesque, Dean of Faculty and HPRSS teacher. Mika Shevchenko ’16, who participated in the dinner, felt that the one-on-one opportunitites were even more effective than the presentation. “I really enjoyed having dinner with her, because I think she was much more open, and she went into detail. I loved her presentation; she mentioned some issues that are very relevant to Choate culture – but she never went into details. I would have much rather preferred her to mention fewer problems but to go into more detail.”
Others felt that the presentation’s adherence to hetero-normativity and exclusion of people who fall outside the gender binary detracted from the presentation’s benefit.
According to Hakeem Angulu ’16, “What she said was good for the majority of the community. However, during the speech, I was surrounded by people who couldn’t directly connect to the speech. If you’re going to force people to be in that space during that time, you’ve got to make sure that they’re comfortable, or, even further, that it’s useful.”
Regardless of the students’ opinions, Wiseman’s talk has started conversation of hookup culture, respect, and power dynamics at Choate.
“The real power of a good special program is starting conversations that continue beyond the program itself,” said Ms. Levesque. “Her work provided us with some ideas about future conversations we can have that will be valuable and help to improve community life.”
