Need a soulmate to fill the void — or maybe just help with your writing? Valentine’s Day may be two days gone, but these editors of The Choate News are still searching for love.
Haley Chang (Editor-in-Chief): Academic powerhouse seeks equally formidable companion to assist in future endeavors. Must enjoy writing semi-professional emails, saying “Thanks so much!” when only mildly appreciative, and complimenting lifelong enemies on cashmere sweaters. Professional working proficiency in Adobe InDesign and espresso machines preferred. Dealbreakers: painfully saccharine texts and excessive blathering.
Grayce Gibbs (News Editor): Resident investigative journalist seeking square-jawed 
intellect to review Record Journal alongside. Extensive knowledge of NPR, ice-cream scooping, and the first floor of the KEC a must. Will date only in the style of The Bachelor. If interested in receiving a rose, submit an application to thechoatenews@choate.edu.
Nina Hastings (News Editor): Dreamy, day-student swimmer seeks environmentally-minded partner with strong interest in the open sea. Preferably enjoys a cappella performances of songs about rivers. Must drive a white Acura RSX or dune buggy. Lifeguards permissible; mermen encouraged.
Eben Cook (Opinions Editor): Wallingford resident looking for level-headed compatriot to support his eventual run for Town Council. Must enjoy impromptu singing, feminist analysis, and long walks on the Quinnipiac River Trail. Employment at Chick-fil-A highly desirable. Ideal date: Gold Key tour.
Liza Mackeen-Shapiro (Opinions Editor): Feminist, Democrat, and New Yorker seeks like-minded companion to discuss life’s deep questions over $8 lattés. Horn-rimmed glasses a plus. Must be knowledgeable on public policy, Trump/Russia collusion, and crepe cakes. Ideal partner will cover laptop camera with small piece of tape.
Kristen Altman (Features Editor): Acerbic writer seeks sharp wit to analyze inner world over green tea. Justified misanthropy and extensive knowledge of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe a must. Potential takers, keep note: in the event of mediocre first date, will have no qualms with leaving partner on street corner.
Neve Scott (Arts Editor): Sarcastic Wisconsinite seeks set of strong arms to carry her through senior winter. Rippling muscles and ability to make banana cream layer cake a bonus. Must be willing to embrace puppies, a Moleskine notebook, and a passing appreciation for the arts at all times.
Jackson Elkins (Sports Editor): Varsity heartbreaker looking for sideliner to help celebrate final high-school hockey season. Ability to pack and hold 68-oz. Midnight Blue Stainless King Thermos © with minestrone soup preferred. Love of country music a must. Should be willing to name four children after influential American street signs — Fortune, Ulrich, Carnaby, and Kalama — and move to the Ontario countryside by age 32.
Nikhil Davar (Production Editor): Chronically chill InDesign guru seeks brunette with Red Bull addiction to tide him over until spring. Extensive knowledge of economics, Rubik’s Cubes, and the number of classes one can miss before losing course credit preferred.
Helena Yang (Photography Editor): Cheerful volleyball player seeks creative partner and local muse. Must wear square glasses that fog at all temperatures. Calm energy and frequent food runs a must.
Ariel Zhang (Graphics Editor): Ex-KEC sailor seeks crewmate to navigate the open seas. Night-owl tendencies and dyed hair appreciated, as well as a deep reverence for our Lord and Savior Doc Marten. Must be willing to circumnavigate the globe at short notice.
Jon Joei (Video Editor): World-renowned videographer seeks under-the-radar companion preferably situated beneath local rock. Rote memory of Eminem’s “Lose Yourself” a plus. Partner should be versed in deception, intrigue, and have the power to cancel class each year in the winter term.
